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QUEER PEOPLE HAVE always had their own slang; in fact, being a part of the LGBTQ+ community often means having access to an entire in-group lexicon. We’ve even invented whole languages, such as Polari, which enabled us to have frank conversations about queer life in mixed company when it would have been dangerous to do so openly.
Following in that grand tradition is the word “bussy,” a comical—and occasionally controversial—portmanteau that has recently become deeply ingrained in the lives of queer men to varying degrees.
The word has a long history: Some of the earliest entries on Urban Dictionary date back to the Bush administration, with one definition from 2004 saying that bussy is “a male homosexual’s anal opening” and that it is “a word made from the two words ‘butthole’ and ‘pussy.’”
Despite the fact that this term originated at least two decades ago, there is still some disagreement as to what exactly “bussy” can mean or, to look at it more positively, some acknowledgment that there could be multiple definitions or uses of the term. Men’s Health surveyed 27 queer men and found that 70 percent thought that the term “bussy” meant “boy pussy,” while 15 percent believed it meant “butt pussy.” However, the remaining 15 percent admitted that either or both were correct.
Regardless of which two terms you think are being smooshed together to make “bussy,” either way, it’s a reference to a man’s anus, or hole, that is often but not exclusively used to make the term seem more sexual, or at least more of a hole for insertion (of a penis) rather than as an exit (for, you know, poop).
But it’s not just the definition of “bussy” that may vary, depending on who you ask. As use of the term becomes democratized outside of the LGBTQ+ community, feelings about it are in flux. Some people feel positive about it in a joking manner, but not in an outright sexual manner, while for some it’s a no-go either way.
What do queer men think about the word “bussy”?
First of all, it’s important to note that not all queer men feel the same about the word “bussy.” In responses, most interviewees say they consider the term funny or comical, and many emphasize that it does not translate to a sexual context.
“It is objectively hilarious and very fun to say, but if anyone ever said that to me earnestly while trying to make dirty talk (and they have), it would make me wish for death,” Tim, 32, says. Similarly, Clark, 32, considers it a “joke term” that is for laughs and not particularly sexy. John Luke, 30, calls it “goofy,” while Mike, 40, says it is “incredibly funny” but that he wouldn’t use it to describe “my anatomy or the anatomy of my sexual partners.”
“It’s a word that looks and sounds so silly that I can only ever accept it in a comedic context,” says Russ, 44. “If I ever see or hear it used in either pornography, sexting, or (god forbid) in-person sexual encounters, I get taken out of the moment.”
What do people like about the word?
Overall, most of the men interviewed say they enjoy the word because it is funny, but also because it’s a reminder of the playfulness of queer linguistics.
“I love how subversive it is,” says LoLo Vonz, 32. “You say it as a queer male and people immediately know you’re talking about a man getting his walls HGTV’d. It makes straight women giggle and straight men cringe, and isn’t that the ultimate goal of the queer lexicon?”
Francisco, 30, agrees that it “sounds sort of silly and cartoonish” and enjoys using it in an “ironic or humorous context, because it feels removed from reality in such a way that it almost hyperbolizes the language a sub or bottom might use in the sexual sphere.”
Others appreciate “bussy” because it gives them new language to talk about their body in a lighthearted way. “I like that it reframes our understanding of our bodies, especially something as stigmatized as our sexual/private areas, and also makes us laugh because we should laugh at sex a little,” says Wil, 32.
Can “bussy” be used sexually?
As with introducing anything new to a sexual partner, if you’re thinking about using this term to refer to a person’s genitalia during sex, it’s best to have a conversation about boundaries before getting busy. Because for some, saying “bussy” mid-coitus is a bit beyond the pale.
Caleb, 25, says that when the word was used to describe their own body, it felt “gross” and “degrading.”
“If someone did use it, it would throw me off,” says Jay, 30. “Depending on how surprised I was, I could probably stifle laughter. But laughing would be my gut reaction.” Tim, 32, recalls that someone did refer to his “bussy” during sex and it was an unpleasant experience. “It was horrible,” he says. “I went along with it because he was this dom dude, and I was in a method acting phase, but I immediately texted my friends after he left to laugh about it.”
However, a significant amount of respondents were open to it being used sexually, further emphasizing that conversation is the way to go before referring to people’s genitalia.
“When I bottom, other men have referred to my hole as a ‘bussy,’ and it’s very hot in that context,” says Alan, 33. “There’s a feeling of submission as a bottom when tops say the term during sex sessions, and also a feeling of empowerment.”
“Once it was directed toward me from a daddy, I welcomed it much easier than I thought I would,” Andrew, 33, says. “I think for me it takes a specific type of person to ‘pull it off.’”
It’s worth noting, however, that more than one respondent say they’d rather their hole just be called a “pussy,” but once again, that’s something that warrants a conversation between you and a sexual partner.
What do people just not like about the term?
As with most things, “bussy” has both enthusiasts and detractors. For some, the humorous aspect earns the word a special place in their heart-ussy; for others, it makes them sick to their stom-ussy.
At least one respondent felt the use of “-ussy” as a suffix had been run into the ground and was more of a cheap laugh. (If you need any other indicator for just how mainstream “bussy” and other similarly appended terms have become, the American Dialect Society chose the suffix “-ussy” as its word of the year in 2022.) “We collectively just need to let it go,” says Achazi, 32. “We can do so much better.”
While Luis, 36, calls it “deeply unerotic,” several people simply consider the term “cringe.”
Aside from some people not liking the sound of the word, others also found that it might be unintentionally offensive to some trans people, especially men who have vaginas.
“It feels cringe if used a bit too seriously,” says EJ, 33. “I also feel like trans men or even trans women might feel a bit different about it, so it does give me some pause.”
“I think that the obvious people who I’d totally protect on reclaiming this word are tboys!!” JP, 33, says. “Transgender men who call their frontal genitals boy pussy, or ‘bussy.’”
For some, the word “pussy” is fine as is, and doesn’t need any kind of moderation for men to use it. “It’s so much sexier to just refer to [the butthole] as a pussy,” says Dominic, 34.
“I hate that it’s trying to differentiate between a ‘pussy’ and a, well…‘pussy,’” Damone, 35, adds. “Just call ’em all pussy.”
Mathew Rodriguez is an award-winning Brooklyn-based writer. He is a former editor at The Atlantic and Them, and is currently working on his debut memoir, forthcoming from Abrams Books.
