7 min read
First, Heated Rivalry came for your social media feeds. Then, it came for your girl. Sure, she said she was watching a show about two gay hockey players “for the plot,” and you believed her—until you realized the plot looked like this:
So how did Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov become Mr. Steal Your Girls (Who Aren’t Even Into Girls)? A lot of men assume women are into Heated Rivalry because the guys are hot. Sure, they’re slap-shooting smokeshows—anyone with eyes and an HBO Max account can see that. But the real draw is the “softness, emotional openness, and care between the couples,” says Ed Bell, a certified relationship coach and founder of Better Gay Dating, not just their ripped abs and bubble butts.
And if the fact that your girlfriend/wife/situationship is turned on by sex scenes between two dudes (neither of whom are you) makes your brain spiral into insecurity—pause. This isn’t an emergency; it’s an opportunity.
Not to role-play the “I’m coming to the cottage” scene (unless you want to, I’m sure she’d be down), but to steal these gay hockey players’ best moves for your own sex life. Here’s how:
Put effort into the buildup—it matters more than you think.
For many men, sexual desire hits them like a lightning bolt. You see someone hot, your body reacts, and you’re ready to rip their clothes off. But here’s the thing: Desire doesn’t always show up that way.
In fact, there are two types: spontaneous desire and responsive desire, says Jon Prezant, LCSW, a New York-based sex and couples therapist. Spontaneous desire is straight to the point, while responsive desire takes the scenic route, showing up after the conditions feel right. That means a mix of emotional safety, connection, and romantic mood should exist, and then the wanting follows.
“Research shows that women tend to experience responsive desire more than men,” Prezant says, “so for men who want women to feel more satisfied in bed, improve the context, not just the foreplay.”
That’s basically why Heated Rivalry works so well, even though it’s two men. “There’s so much desire and longing… that builds tension before anything even happens,” says Sophie Talmadge Silleck, LMSW, a relationship and sex therapist in New York. In the first episode, Shane and Ilya share an instant attraction (that’s the lightning bolt), but because they are both closeted, they can’t act on their desire immediately. Instead, they exchange furtive, yet unmistakably flirty, glances, their hands touch when sharing a water bottle, and they single each other out when saying “good game” to everyone else on the line, Silleck says.
And let’s not forget the awards show bathroom scene toward the end of episode two, where Ilya basically narrates how he plans to spend the rest of the night with Shane, offering the promise of delayed gratification. Then, he leaves him wanting more with a lingering kiss. “Anticipation heightens the need to act,” Silleck says, “and women find it sexy when they know they’re wanted over a sustained period of time.”
Shane Hollander (played by Hudson Williams) and Ilya Rozanov (played by Connor Storrie) in episode one of Heated Rivalry.
But perhaps what’s hottest about Heated Rivalry is that the wanting doesn’t stop after Shane and Ilya have sex. The effort to create emotional intimacy is ongoing and, most importantly, mutual: Ilya makes Shane a tuna melt the morning after they hook up, Shane checks in on Ilya when he’s having family issues, and Ilya visits Shane in the hospital after he gets injured. Bell calls this steady stream of small, romantic moments “micro-care.” It may sound simple—and painfully obvious—but showing you care outside the bedroom makes what happens inside it more enjoyable.
“We feel wanted when we’re wanted as a whole person,” says Prezant, “[not] when we’re just a sexual object someone is trying to get off on.” When a woman feels like she’s just there so her partner can get off, her body can register that as a threat, he explains, which shuts down arousal. The triggers can be subtle, but it might look like rushing foreplay, ignoring physical cues, or treating sex like an assigned task. Even the goal of trying to make her orgasm can backfire if it feels like a box you’re checking for your ego, not something you genuinely want to do for her pleasure.
The takeaway isn’t to sext more or “be horny earlier;” it’s to start creating the conditions where your partner feels desired so she can feel desire in return. Silleck’s favorite versions of signaling interest and building anticipation without getting overly sexual are simple and sweet texts like: “I’ve been thinking about you all day,” “I can’t wait for tonight,” or “It’s annoying how much I smile when your name pops up.”
And when it comes to compliments, men often get too specific too fast, says Silleck. Try “you’re so beautiful” instead of “your body is so hot.” Try “I want you” instead of “I want your ____.” She’s not just a feature, she’s a whole person—so treat her as such.
Consent is hot because it proves you’re paying attention.
For some reason, the topic of consent makes men flinch because they immediately picture something unsexy, like you’re stopping mid-makeout for a TED Talk. But Heated Rivalry shows that consent can be direct, confident, and genuinely hot. When Shane and Ilya have sex for the first time, Ilya checks in before they start. He asks if Shane still wants to do this. Shane says yes. And during sex, Ilya confirms multiple times that Shane feels okay and wants to continue. He gives him the opportunity to stop at any point, and the check-ins don’t kill the moment.
Scenes like that make consent feel like “fun and exploration,” says Bell, rather than the awkward exchange you probably associate with sex ed. Heated Rivalry shows that consent is so much more than asking “Do you wanna have sex?” and then, ya know, having it. It’s an ongoing conversation that, btw, can double as (respectful) dirty talk.
“While the sexting may be heavy, when the boys are in person, they’re regularly checking in during a sexual experience,” says Prezant. “‘Feel good?’ ‘Like this?’ is both a consent check and sexy.”
Silleck’s recommended check-ins are similarly simple: ‘Does this feel good?’ ‘Can I ___?’ (touch you, kiss you, keep going), and ‘Tell me what you want’ all give her an opening to say what she likes. “It shows you care and want to give your partner the most amount of pleasure,” she explains.
Some guys don’t ask what feels good because they don’t want to hear critique, but avoiding the conversation won’t make sex any better. “If she’s not into something, move on, modify, and say, ‘What about this?’” says Prezant. “Nothing kills the mood more for her than a bruised ego.”
In fact, men who lead with confidence and mutual respect are able to “bring consenting conversations into the bedroom in a way that enhances eroticism,” Prezant says, specifically calling out our guy Ilya as someone who does this throughout the entire series. He keeps his interest obvious while still giving Shane real room to say yes, no, or not yet, and he doesn’t get offended when the pace needs to slow down.
The bottom line: Asking for consent isn’t unmanly. It’s efficient. You get out of your head. She gets to stay in her body. Everybody wins. And on that note…
Like hockey, sex is a team sport.
Shane and Ilya may be rivals outside the bedroom (or hotel room, or cottage… same difference), but they act like teammates between the sheets, checking in and making sure both people are actually enjoying themselves. If you treat sex like you’re the only person who’s supposed to score, you’re going to lose your partner’s interest fast.
“So often women feel used when having sex with men; we feel like our role is to get the man off and we don’t matter,” says Silleck. Men tend to view orgasming as the primary goal of sex, and when that goal is accomplished—for them, anyway—there’s no reason to keep going.
But in Heated Rivalry, when Ilya and Shane hookup and Ilya finishes first, he tells Shane, “I would not leave you like that.” Silleck points to this moment as a clear example of a man prioritizing his and his partner’s pleasure. The concept that sex isn’t over until both people feel satisfied— orgasm or not—“decenters orgasm as the end goal,” says Silleck, reframing the goal of sex as mutual satisfaction.
Prezant takes it even further, warning against treating sex like something that “finishes” because that turns it into a race. But pleasure can’t be rushed. “Great sex is when everyone feels connected, present, and attended to,” he says. Sometimes, it ends with everyone orgasming. Sometimes, it ends with a toddler yelling in the next room. Either way, the quality of the experience comes from feeling like you’re in this together, whatever the outcome.
Ultimately, it’s not about what you do, but how you do it.
If your partner’s into Heated Rivalry, you don’t need to decode every scene like it’s game film. Instead, ask her what she likes about the show with genuine curiosity, Bell suggests. Odds are, she’ll hand you the cheat code to what she wants more of in real life—and it likely doesn’t involve some elaborate Shane/Ilya role-play.
The goal is not to copy what they do, but copy what it feels like. Build the tension, make consent and care obvious, and ensure there’s shared effort. No one’s asking you to be Shane or Ilya (and… quite frankly, you’ll never be anyway); you just have to show up like you give a damn. No hockey skills required.
Sean Abrams was the Senior Editor, Growth and Engagement at Men’s Health. He’s a former hip hop dancer who likes long walks on the beach and large glasses of tequila. You can find his previous work at Maxim, Elite Daily, and AskMen.
